i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
