I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
