mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
