Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
