i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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