Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize