awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
