I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
