I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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