i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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