I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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