margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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