I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
