the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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It's never too late to be topless.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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