Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
that's an acceptable place to lick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize