I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
