New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
