Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
