It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
