can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
