We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i drank out of a bidet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
