And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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