She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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