ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
