And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
