Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
