He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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