Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
