i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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