I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
