True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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