Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
