I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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