I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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