White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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