you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
