Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
