Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
