I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
