I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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