I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
