By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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