I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
