from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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