The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
