I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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