Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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