We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And then my night got REAL pukey
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
