wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
