You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
