I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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