i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
