yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
