i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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