We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
