I think my vagina is haunted
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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