1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are two peas in an std pod
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
