The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
