So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
