oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
