Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
