why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
