life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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