Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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