Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
