I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
