You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
