i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
