Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
