Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
