So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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