The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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