She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
