I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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