so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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