We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
