We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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