I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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