Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
