Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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