Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
