I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They took my balls.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
